An Unofficial Collection of Fan Art
by Halan Lore
Summary: This is a collection of one shots, short chapter stories, and ways to annoy. Mostly Naruto though Other fandoms may appear. Different ratings for each chapter/story. I DONT OWN WHATEVER FANDOMS I USE!
1. Intro

**HELLO!**

**This is going to be a collection of stuff I write. Wether it be OneShots. Short Chapter Stories. or Ways to annoy someone.**

**Theirs going to be a heading like this:**

**_Title:_**

**_Rating:_**

**_Section:_**

**_Summary_**

**I'll fill in the blanks with each story.**

**Hope you enjoy this collection of my not so great works!**


	2. S 1

**_Title: _Ways too PO Orochimaru (a.k.a. Oreo)**

**_Rating: k+-T sort of crude humor_**

**_Section:_ Naruto**

**_Summary_ Read about how too annoy your not so favorite Snake Sannin!!**

**1.)** Ask him if he's gay

2.) When he gets angry tell him its ok to have mental issues and pat him on the shoulder

3.) When he threatens to kill you, shout that it's not fair that only Sasuke is the Uke!

4.) Run away when he's trying to figure out what you just shouted

5.) Get a disguise as the pizza man and come back later

6.) When Kimmimaro answers the door pizza his face and shout that you thought he was Orochimaru

7.) When Orochimaru comes out to ask what the commotion is, take the other pizza and hit him on the face with it

8.) Tell him he look sooo much better now

9.) Run for your life when he gets his freaky tongue thing going.

10.) Go to a pay-phone and call Him

11.) When he answers put on a fake russian accent: OREO! VIE DEAR VOOD VOOD VRIEND!

12.) When he shouts he doesn't know you make a rassberry into the phone.

13.) Corner Sasuke and get him to rub 'Icy hot' in his 'special area'. It'll be sure to be a mood killer later

14.) When Orochimaru is mourning the loss of his 'manliness' Summon pidgeons to dive bomb him with pidgeon poop

15.) When Tsunade confronts you about torturing the ex-Snake Sannin to death, Deny **_Everything_**


	3. S 2

**_Title: _Ways too PO Tsunade (A.K.A. Tsuni)**

**_Rating: k+-T sort of crude humor_**

**_Section:_ Naruto**

**_Summary_ Read about how too annoy your Favorite Sannin/Hokage! Takes place after how to annoy the Baka Oreo**

**1.)** When she's celebrating Oreo's death ask her if she lost her 'virtue' to a toad

**2.)** When she trys to kill you use Naruto as a shield

**3.)** Run away when Naruto trys to use Rasengan on you

**4.)** Shout "OMAESAN OBAA-CHAN" At the top of you're voice through out the day up at the Hokage Tower

**5.)** dodge flying furniture

**6.)** Hide in the vents when an important Hokage/Council meeting takes place

**7.)** Scream like a little Girl when Tsuni enters

**8.)** Run for your life when Tsuni trys to blow apart the vents with he chakra fist

**9.)** Shout "NICE TRY TSUNI!" when she misses

**10.)** When she finally catches you and turns you over to Anko for questioning state "IT WAS SASUKES IDEA!"

**11.)** Laugh evilly when Tsuni goes out to purposely hunt Sasuke herself

**12.)** Go dig a little hole to hide in if she realizes it was all a ruse

**13.)** Flirt with Shizune

**14.)** Try to kill yourself when you realize you just acted like a lesbian

**15.)** Set off stink bombs near the Hokage office

16.) Blame it _all_ on Naruto

17.) steal off of Tsuni's cloths but her underwear

18.) Smack Jiraiya on the head when he starts writing with a pencil and paer

19.) Blame the theft of her clothes on Jiraiya

20.) Plant evidence that proves that Jiraiya did it

21.) Laugh self silly when Jiraiya gets pummeled

22.) Tell Tsuni, "Wow! I always thought you were beautiful!"

23.) Go hide in the hole you dug earlier

24.) Go photo shop a picture so it looks like its her and Jiraiya making out

25.) Laugh self silly when she dies from shock

26.) When Jiraiya approaches you to figure out what happened, deny **_everything_** and shout PEDOPHILE!


	4. S 3 C 1

**_Title: _Return**

**_Rating:_ T**

**_Section:_ Naruto**

**_Summary_ Naruto is banished from Konoha. He comes back with revenge in mind. But will a certain smiling kunoichi/woman change the ideals he had once dispised in a certain emo-sama?**

A smirk lay on the face.

Uzumaki Naruto, or Namikaze Naruto, if you prefer, had been banished. A blunt, a cruel and undecided fate.

The council had turned on him. But now he'd turn on the council.

For he had been fifteen last time he had seen Konoha's gates. A twenty year old now in his place. Cheerful smile? That occurrence now was rare. The council had squashed out any desire for happiness.

A finger, in now dirt brown hair. An eye, wide gleaming red.

The smirk, lying on Uzumaki Naruto's face.

Lying on the face of a man, no more, on a face of one who was going to get his revenge no matter the depth.

The glare, aimed at the council, couldn't be aimed, at least not yet.

One now by the name of, Etsu Tomo, Twin delight would be it translated.

It seemed fitting that his name would trickery. The smirk lay on his face from his perch in the moss green trees. He looked down at the gate. Tugged on the dark brown cloak he wore and narrowed his eyes. The guard seemed to jerk around, as though sensing the fact he was being watched.

With a shake of his head which no longer bore whisker marks; at the ineptness of the guard. Naruto leapt down from his perch. A cloud of dirt rose up around his feet from the impact.

"Who?" asked the guard studying the face which looked surprisingly unremarkable if you disregard the eyes.

"Etsu Tomo," Naruto answered looking him straight in the eyes. He fidgeted from the pressured stare.

"Know where I'd be able to find Hokage-sama?"

"Why?"

"I'd like to discuss, some matter of importance." At least that part was honest; you could even see it in his eyes. They still showed a glimmer of emotion, although Naruto had trained to be stoic.

"The tower, c-can't mi-miss it!" the guard answered and shivered feeling the killing intent. Naruto inwardly cursed, he'd have to keep that in check.

He heard a light thud as the man almost passed out from relief. A smirk would've appeared on his face if he hadn't stopped it. Settling with a loud crunch on the stone, a foot print would be marked there for some time.

* * *

Haruno Sakura sighed, she remembered the cheerful blonde who had always been there to break her out of her 'funks'. His smile, though it was annoying, really was the best thing to happen to Konoha. 'Damn council', was her thought flickering through her brain.

'The council was stuffed with Bureaucrats.' Was another trickle line thought as she rolled down her black sleeves.

She smiled at the memory of the grin which could outshine Lee's every day. She missed him though it'd had by now turned into a dull ache. She had taken him for granted then, but now could go nuke just to have him back.


	5. S 4 C 1

**_Title: _He's Me**

**_Rating:_ T**

**_Section:_ Naruto**

**_Summary_ Naruto and Sasuke swap bodies for awhile. You can guess what happens. Eventual Yaoi. 2nd chapter being re-written.**

Naruto glowered at Neji rubbing the back of his head, _I hate Bykugon right now_. He thought angrily, at times it had really helped them out, but now. It enabled Naruto to lose. The sly smile on Neji's part did not help the way he felt, one bit.

"Who'd think that'd you'd lose, Naruto-Kun." Neji stated his Bykugon retreating, leaving his pale eyes studying Naruto. Naruto almost growled at Neji standing up flipping back his blonde hair defiantly. Neji ignored this leaning against a tree lazily. Shikamaru who had been watching there fights lying on his back near them, gazing at the clouds with cloud envy going through his mind. Lee watching them closely as though anticipating there next moves. Sasuke sighed letting out his breath, it looked like Naruto and Neji were about to start another fight, again. They'd been at it all day and frankly they all were getting bored of it, Lee was putting up the interested front, and Sasuke had been watching the clouds with Shikamaru. Watching clouds, there cases were rested.

"Here's some money for, _Ramen_" Sasuke stated clearly, handing Naruto some money, he handed some to Neji also.

"Enjoy," Lee said a little too loudly understanding what Sasuke was up too,

"If you can make it through a dinner without fighting you two, I'll stop being such a drag." Shikamaru said trying to smile and only looking bizarre for his efforts. Naruto grinned broadly looking at the Ramen money, Neji rolled his eyes. He looked ready to protest but Lee stood up shoving them in the back in the direction of town,

"Be safe!" He called after them, and then collapsed on the soft grass.

"What a drag," Shikamaru said in his normal tone.

"It's almost dark," Sasuke said although unable to see the sun, the depleting light around them more than enough explained it.

"Do you two mind if I sleep?" Shikamaru asked after a few minutes of relative silence.

"No," Lee said lying back drowsily. Sasuke made an hmm, hnn sound. Several more minutes passed as Shikamaru fell asleep and Lee joined him. Sasuke himself was fighting drowsiness but losing the battle. What if Orrochimaru killed them in there sleep? While plausible and possible, it was still ridiculous. Sasuke told himself, over and over again. But starting to fall asleep all the same, his back against the soft grass head near a tree trunk. With stars and a full moon filling the night sky, it was one of the nights were anything could happen.

'_Why is it, I have to go get Ramen, or __**actual**__ food, with Naruto?' _Neji thought angrily as they walked through the Leaf Village. Naruto was having similar thoughts, while his consisted mostly of joy about eating Ramen. The annoying one of Neji being there still remained. Then Neji all of a sudden stopped in front of a Restaurant,

"Naruto you get the food, and I'll get the supplies," He said shortly turning through a collection of buildings and down an Alleyway. Naruto shrugged running his fingers through his blonde hair looking at the Hyuga clan member as he left.

Neji snaked his way through the rest of the buildings coming out at a shop that sold what he was looking for. He picked up a few paper bombs gingerly and a couple Kanai knifes. Along with some other choice items and went to purchase them. The lady doing the transaction paused for a few moments. She took out a small bottle of something.

"Anyone you wish to get revenge on deary?" her voice slightly creepy, it was high with a croak edge on it.

"Nothing as serious as what you have in there." Neji said turning around activating his Bykugon not wanting to let her out of his sight until he was a good distance away.

"Deary it's free, it will only hurt the persons pride, no damage at all." Neji raised an eyebrow at her looking at the bottle hesitantly. He then thought of Naruto's face when he beat him at the Chuni exams and picked it up glancing it over.

"Just how would I use it?"

"You have to use it on two people deary otherwise it won't work, just have them eat a little bit of it."

Neji fled the shop, _'she said no lasting harm would be done' 'but that still doesn't make it, "harm proof". 'Naruto deserves it,' 'But why does it have to be two people.' 'if I don't use it I won't know' 'But it's Naruto.' 'Who's the other person?' 'Can't be me, sounds like it'd be embarrassing.' 'Shikamaru?' 'He'd just go, "What a drag".' 'Defiantly not Lee, he already wants to fight me enough as it is.' 'But Sasuke did join Orrochimaru at one point' 'Who else would I use it on?' 'Guess its Sasuke.'_

Neji decided that as he made his way through the slope roofed buildings many with a tilted up end. Naruto was waiting for him outside the village with his arms loaded with food.

"Need some help with that Naruto?" Neji asked from behind him causing the blonde to jump skyward. He yelped grabbing the containers from mid-air as they stacked themselves on top of one another. Neji didn't bother hiding his smile at the hilarity of watching Naruto dive around catching the, what he guessed was Ramen.

"Hnn," he said handing some containers to Neji,

"Be sure to not drop it, the one on top is Sasuke's and the one on the bottom is your's and the one in the middle's mine, and." Neji silenced him.

"I get it," Naruto sulked at being interrupted in his, 'I shall make you rue the day if you drop my Ramen speech'. Neji on the other hand was going through the trouble of sprinkling that liquid on Naruto's and Sasuke's food without being caught at it. Later he'd regard it as easy considering Naruto was concentrating on finding his way back to the camp. When Neji was putting that liquid on there food he was, but after bumping into a few trees and almost dropping the containers he almost begged Neji to lead him using the Bykugon.

They found were they had been camping and saw that all three of them, were fast asleep. Naruto put down the food and started trying to shake Sasuke awake; Neji started doing the same thing to Lee. After a few minutes of fruitlessness Naruto started summoning the 9-tailed fox's chakra, a big bang could be heard to the Leaf Village as dirt cloud exploded near Sasuke's head, he shot into the air his mark ready to expand, and then he saw Naruto clutching his sides, eyes with a reddish ting, smirking. Shikamaru had also jumped a mile at the explosion joined in at the glaring match; Lee smiled and yawned, and started mumbling something about Ramen.

"Lee, wake up! I'm about to kill Naruto and I know you don't want to miss this!" Sasuke stated loudly still in a bad enough mood to be able to draw on the mark's chakra with no problem.

Lee raised his head dazedly in time to see Naruto back away from Sasuke, Shikamaru put a hand on each of there shoulders. Everyone could see the way Sasuke tensed at the contact. Neji thought that Shikamaru was doing a lousy job of breaking up the fight at the way Naruto kept rolling his eyes and baring his teeth. It even looked like the mark that he was in the perfect position to see was glowing red. He let out his breath and said loudly,

"We have Ramen, and other food." Naruto leapt away cheerfully at the reminder, Sasuke looked like he still wanted to attack him for a few seconds but joined the fray as Naruto passed out the food. It was then Neji's turn to tense, he didn't know what he put in there food. It looked like a ridiculously stupid thing to do now. Naruto grinned broadly taking a big bite of Ramen; Sasuke did the same thing with his oysters and noodles. Neji ate cautiously; it was a normal behavior for him though, so no one really gave it a second thought as they tucked in.

Sasuke took a big bite of his, when he all of a sudden dropped his chop sticks. It wasn't unnoticed be Shikamaru who immediately asked him,

"You okay Sasuke?" Lee noticed that Naruto had done a similar action patting his face his eyes wide.

"Naruto?" Lee asked giving him a worried eye. Sasuke and Naruto answered there questions at the same time,

"Fine," there eyes made it ridiculously easy to tell that they were lying though.

Shikamaru stated this to them when he raised his eyebrows.

Sasuke shut his mouth dumbly imitating Naruto as he touched his face shock evident.

"I didn't do it," Naruto said quickly at the look he got.

"Well neither did I, Lee? Shikamaru?"

"What did we do?" The Jonin and Chunine asked.

"Neji?" Naruto asked dangerously, sounding just like Sasuke.

"Um?" Neji murmurs inching away from the angry Naruto, he was scared to death of that fox.

"What did you put in our food?" Naruto asked, sounding so much like Sasuke threatening Naruto when he was about to do something ludicrously stupid that everyone did a double take.

"Err, what exactly happened?" Neji asked leaning as far as he could from Naruto-Kun.

"Let me see," Sasuke said matter-o-factly.

"I'm Sasuke and he's Naruto." Lee raised his eyebrows at this and says ironically,

"You don't say?" Naruto and Sasuke glared at him, and Naruto shoved a hand through his hair.

"I'm Sasuke, and he's Naruto. But now he's Sasuke, and I'm Naruto." A volley of huh's hit him.

"WERE IN EACHOTHERS BODY'S!" Sasuke shouted standing up and with an oof fell down. Everyone else besides Naruto, (Sasuke?) Rolled there eyes.

"Sure," Shikamaru dead panned rolling his eyes.

"It's true," Naruto, (Sasuke?) Said glaring at them.

"Sure it is," Lee in toned sarcastically.

"I did put something in there food, but I didn't think it went that far." Neji said biting his nails.

Shikamaru sighed, and then a smile was on his face,

"Wait until Sakura finds out." Neji stood up and started running from an angry Sasuke, (Naruto?)

Naruto, (Sasuke?) watched Neji trying evade death,

"That's a scary thought." Lee and Shikamaru nodded solemnly knowing what he was talking about.

"Hell hath no fury like a Sakura, I need help with this one," Lee said at first sagely than glumly.

"Well we all know what you mean, that'll have to do for now," Shikamaru said nodding his agreement with Lee's point.

"I wonder how Naruto's going to react to the mark," Sasuke wondered out loud.

"I don't want to know honestly," Neji said sitting down behind them.

"You better run if he figures out how to use my Sharigahn," Sasuke advised Neji, who immediately started climbing up the tree into the upper branches.


	6. S 5 C 1

**_Title:_ I'm Melting!**

**_Rating:_ T**

**_Section:_ Death Note**

**_Summary_ Boredom, of boredom of boredom. That is Light's view. Everything at a stand still Matsuda comes up with an idea. Truth or Dare! No one actualy melts here but the name was some stroke of inspiration!**

**Day one of Insanity:-**

He was bored. Odd admitting those three excruciatingly small words to yourself. Not the words that were odd goodness no. It was the fact that with the Kira case running. Mind you he _was_ Kira. But killing provided nothing, justifying the world as he believed his mission in life. Dissuading the investigation from his tail, again nothing, no annoyance, nothing good, in short life was bland.

Of course he almost welcomed the fact that L seemed to suspect that he was bored, those little peering eyes of his. Which were usually so round and perceptive.

A source of annoyance, L, but again, even _that_ began to wear out. Light found himself thinking that he was going to write his own name in his Death Note soon if nothing happened.

"Light-kun!" Misa squealed when Light and L entered her apartment.

"Oh I missed you!" She said burrowing her face in his chest strangling him in a hug.

Light found himself wishing for shinigami eyes. Or at least a page of that stupid notebook.

Matsuda ran into the room he tripped over his own feet, don't ask how.

"Ash! Gomen! Gomen-sai!" He cried picking himself up, turning his pant leg purposely down on his hot pink socks. Unfortunately Light saw the devastatingly color and immediately wished for boredom.

"Matsuda-san!" Misa chirped in her high girly way, grinning her lippy smile at him.

"Misa!" Matsuda said bowing to the blonde and falling over. Exposing teddy-bear underwear. L kept asking Light what was wrong when he turned stone white and started mumbling about 'Poisonous teddies stealing my hot-dogs'.'

* * *

**Day Two of insanity:**

Light, L, Matsuda, and Misa, an awkward quartette.

A Stupid, bored, not-wanting-to-be-chained-to-L/Light, Quartette,

Of course, Matsuda was always the bright one... NOT.

He folded his arms behind his neck on the floor leaning against Misa's bright lilac sofa.

"I got an idea!"

A few minutes passed in silence, in which the time our very annoyed ummm intelligent? Being grew a simultaneous sweat drop and anger mark.

"I KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO!" he shouted, once again. Ignored by the guy who should own a miscellaneous sweet factory.

He narrowed his eyes in a classic 'NOBODY-WILL-LISTEN-TO ME-AND-I'- PISSED!' expression.

L turned his head with a blank expression on his face,

"Huh? Did you say something Matsuda?"

THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! SPROING! CRASH! Where the consecutive sounds of Matsuda hitting the sofa, yeah Matsuda hit a spring. And yes he is that lovely piece of new decor in the wall.

"UMPH!" Matsuda shouted trying to yank his head out of the wall. Misa just blew on her nails ignoring him.

"GUYS WHY DON'T WE PLAY TRUTH OR DARE!" Light rolled his eyes and said,

"FINE I'M FIRST! I DARE YOU TO GET OUT OF THAT!"

Matsuda punched the wall finally getting out with a big yellow ring of plaster around his neck.

"I'm going out to get something to drink." Matsuda said crossly banging into the door on his way out little specks of yellow marking his trail.


	7. S 6 C 1

**_Title:_ The Naruto Questionnaire**

**_Rating:_ T**

**_Section:_ Naruto**

**_Summary_ I Uzuki Yugao have been ordered by Tsunade-sama to issue a personalized Questionnaire throughout the members of Shinobi and non-Shinobi culture.**

_**Hello**_

_**My name is**_

_** Uzuki Yugao**_

_**It has come**__** to my attention that even in this Secretive world we Shinobi live in.**_

_**We truly know nothing about each other. **__**Whilst this is normally considered a benefit, I have been ordered by Tsunade-sama to conduct a Questionnaire. **_

_**Your's truly,**_

_**Uzuki Yugao.**_


	8. S 6 C 2

**_Title:_ The Naruto Questionnaire**

**_Rating:_ T**

**_Section:_ Naruto**

**_Summary_ I Uzuki Yugao have been ordered by Tsunade-sama to issue a personalized Questionnaire throughout the members of Shinobi and non-Shinobi culture.**

**What is your name?**

Wait you don't know? My name is Haruno Sakura, Sakura is my first name. IT means cherry blossom, isn't it wonderful?

**How old are you?**

15! What you think I was younger?

**How tall are you?**

WHAT does that have to do with anything?

**Where are you?**

In the Yamanka flower shop, Isn't Ino just the nicest person ever?

**What is your biggest fear?**

That I'll meet the person issuing this thing

**Why is that your biggest fear?**

Because your creaping me out with those attuned questions.

**Why am I creeping you out?**

Because your a piece of paper, that knows exactly what I'm writing.

**Which of your male friends would you rather date?**

Don't you already know?

**Know I don't already know answer.**

That's a command not a question.

**Just answer.**

Ok, I'm being threatened by a piece of paper.

DUH I'D DATE SASUKE! He is like the hottest guy ever!

**Why is your preferred male friend the one you picked?**

Um, because he's hot?

**Do looks have anything to do with your choice?**

Where have you bin the next question?

**I have been a piece of paper.**

You know you're lucky I don't burn you.

**Do you have any moments where you feel like your connecting with another essence of yourself?**

Yes In fact I have, I've been speaking with my inner me, and she agrees that this is a waist of time.

**What is your ulterior motive in life?**

Ulterior motive?

**What do you want to do most of all in life?**

Marry Sasuke

**Why is that your thing you want to do most of all in life?**

Because Sasuke is the hottest guy ever

**Which would you rather do, dye your hair pink? Or dye it blue?**

My hair is already PINK! Blue wouldn't be a bad idea hmm.


	9. S 6 C 3

**_Title:_ The Naruto Questionnaire**

**_Rating:_ T**

**_Section:_ Naruto**

**_Summary_ I Uzuki Yugao have been ordered by Tsunade-sama to issue a personalized Questionnaire throughout the members of Shinobi and non-Shinobi culture.**

**What is your name?**

Uchiha Sasuke!

**How old are you?**

I'm like 15! Don' you know!

**Where are you?**

Talking to Lee about Youth! He doesn't seem interested in it though.

**What is your favorite thing to do?**

Why of course try on my super cute apron! Did you know that it has 15 shades of pink in it? It's my age also!

**What is your least favorite thing to do?**

Wear black, why do I own so much of it? I should've known better then to let Lee shop for me!

**Who do you like the most?**

Naruto! Did you know he looks so cute in orange...? I did not just type that!

**Who do not like?**

Kakashi, he's always popping up whenever I try getting close with Naruto!

I NEED SOME ALONE TIME WITH HIM!

**Pink or Orange?**

To hard to decide!

Naruto loves orange, but I love pink! But I can't decide between them!

**What is your greatest fear?**

That Naruto will realize Hinata likes him, What? I'm not blind! I'm not blind like Itachi! Don't mistake me for him please!

**What is your greatest wish?**

That Naruto will like me! But, I sigh. He only has eyes for her.

**What would be your second greatest wish?**

That black would be banned, and pink donned the national Konoha color.

**What would be your third greatest wish?**

For pink hair to be illegal, let's see how Naruto likes her then!

**Why are you so obsessed with Naruto?**

Obsessed? I'm not obsessed! So what if I keep with toe nails, and strands of his awesome blonde hair? That doesn't mean I'm obsessed!

**Will you ever confess your feelings for your significant other?**

How Do I know who my significant other is? I haven't told them so there is no way for me to tell? How would you even know about the feelings?

**Who is your crush?**

Do you even read my answers? That I can't scratch out? I'm crying chibi tears of sadness for not being able to!

**Who is your crush?**

I'm not saying!

**Who is your crush?**

I'll never fall! I posses the Chidori! You can't make me!

**Who is your crush?**

WHY YOU! YOU'RE HOLDING MY LIMITED NARUTO DOLL HOSTAGE!

I ADMIT IT I LIKE NARUTO!  
I'M GAY! HAPPY! NOW GIVE IT BACK!

_**Uzuki Yugao**_

_**This Questionnaire is un-able to be completed for Uchiha Sasuke has gone and drawn up a chibi tear corner and is unable to be coherent in any form.**_


	10. S 6 C 4

**_Title:_ The Naruto Questionnaire**

**_Rating:_ T**

**_Section:_ Naruto**

**_Summary_ I Uzuki Yugao have been ordered by Tsunade-sama to issue a personalized Questionnaire throughout the members of Shinobi and non-Shinobi culture.**

**What is your name?**

Uh, UM, MY NAME? WH'Y WOULD YOU NEED MY NAME?

**What is your name?**

YOU JUST ASKED THAT YOU OVER QUESTION ASKING PAPER!

**What is your name?**

UZUMAKI NARUTO JUST STOP CREEPING ME OUT!

**How old are you?**

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

**I repeat how old are you?**

Your A PIECE OF PAPEr, a piece of paper man. How do you know what you just wrote?

**Just answer.**

YOU ARE A PIECE OF PAPER! IRUKA I'M BEING THREATENED!

**Answer or Sasuke gets it.**

Oh, is that all? I'm not going to answer. I mean Sasuke follows me around. And he wears pink! PINK!

**Where are you?**

By some lake near Konoha, with a knife, and a rope, and a silver candle stick.

**What are you doing?**

Thinking about how Sasuke creaps me out, and wondering what I should do with this collection of questionable items.

**Why are your items questionable?**

Because they are..

**Why do you always wear orange?**

Sakura said she liked the color orange once, I am beginning to doubt the truth of her words.

**Who do you like?**

SAKURA-CHAN!

**Who is your least favorite person?**

Uchiha, Sasuke

**Who is your second least favorite person?**

Hyuga Hinata

**Why is that person your second least favorite person?**

She stalks me! I MEAN COME ON! SHE IS CREEPIER THEN UCHIHA ON A BAD DAY!

Shall I make a list?

1. She has several pieces of my hair

2. She is frequently following me around

3. You've heard of the Byakugon right? Well she is using it frequently... While I'm in the shower!

4. I had to walk into the Hyuga manner once; she had pictures of me just COVERING her wall.

5. She visits Ichiraku's more than I do.

**What is your favorite food?**

I blink right now.

Where have you been?

Ichiraku's is a Ramen stand...

**What is your least favorite food?**

Tomatoes, that Uchiha guy likes them, hence he likes them I hate them.

**What is your least favorite thing?**

Stupid pieces of paper like you

**Why is that your least favorite thing?**

Because you're all digging into my past...

**What is your rank?**

WHAT I'm a Genin YOU GOING TO MAKE FUN OF ME LIKE ALL THE OTHER you know what I quit this Questionnaire so there!

**Does your rank effect how you feel?**

**.**

**.**

**Why does it?**

**.**

**.**

**Which would your rather do? Eat Ramen forever, or make-out with your crush?**

**.**

**.**


	11. S 7 C 1

**_Title:_ Snow's Shadow**

**_Rating:_ M**

**_Section:_ Harry Potter**

**_Summary: _Cruor, just about your typical teen, well she isn't a teen she's a vampire, and one attitude problem. Yep the Order is about to be bludgeoned.**

* * *

Evelyn ran her feet pounding on the mossy undergrowth, a storm was coming she could feel it. The feeling of the wind whipping around her toying with her hair, the pounding of the rain that'd slosh down her, lighting strikes, it was indescribable, Evelyn in short loved storms. It'd worried her mother that she'd run off in pitch black night and dance in the rain. It worried her brother even more. Caution always true to his name tried keeping her inside. "Evelyn operor non progredior, illic es lamia sicco illic," had been the warnings.

She never listened though, and the feeling of the rain pouring down her was broken when a voice spoke.

"Evelyn,"

"Quisnam es vos?" Evelyn asked staring in the direction of the sound.

"Shade," The voice answered walking into the little light, the owner of the voice was adorned in a black cloak that covered there face.

"Quis operor vos volo?" No one heard Evelyn's scream, as the figure leapt forward and started biting her neck, she tried to shove him off, but she couldn't. She could feel her life draining away, as he continued to drink her blood. A shiver ran through her as she aimed to kick him but fell, bringing him down with her. The stranger grabbed her arm forcing her down, Evelyn tried to move but couldn't as he bit into her ankle.

* * *

Evelyn looked at the 'Potter's' place, _what was that nutter by the name of Dumbledore thinking?_ She thought gritting her teeth, _I'm not going to buy that he forgot bout the prejudices._Her once blonde hair had turned coal black her eyes had turned that color also. The darkness of the past nine century's had re-shaped her, gone was the innocent of girl, to be replaced by a Deadly vampire.

Tossing back her lank hair back she braved to walk up the wooden stairs, and opened the door lightly. Voices could be heard,

"_Voldemorts attacking __**now**_

"_Greyback I can't get him to listen."_

"_We all know that, Wolf."_

"_Bugger off Snape!"_

"_James!"_

"_People calm down!"_Evelyn smirked it was never easy getting people to listen; she knew that with her experiences with Shade. If this was the resistance of Voldemort the world stood a scant chance. With a sigh she walked into the room, everyone turned there heads as fast as possible staring at her pale white skin and emotionless eyes.

"Who are you?" Asked a man with unruly black hair who was sitting at the table. Dumbledore looked at her and answered,

"This is (4)Cruor," everyone gave her an odd look at the name; a man who was pale enough to be a fellow vampire spoke.

"You're a vampire," Was what she had heard the man with unruly hair smirked thinking it was joke,

"Finally looked in the mirror?" he taunted, Dumbledore stood up and glared at the two.

"No more 'jokes' at each others expense." The man with unruly hair shrugged as though he couldn't care less. Evelyn's eyes however met with the pale man who had voiced what she was, they stared back at her unflinching. She sat through the meeting unnerved by the beginning as the century's past that was a feat that had gotten harder and harder to cause.

After the meeting ended and everyone else had filed out he grabbed her arm,

"How?" She asked him her eyes narrowing, as she jerked her arm out of his grasp with force.

"I've learned how to recognize dark creatures," The man said in an attempt to intimidate her, it didn't work.

"Then you know that us, 'dark creatures' don't give a damn who knows." Evelyn said being irritatingly calm.

He rolled his eyes,

"I think you care,"

"Not enough to worry about **you** knowing." Her voice dark and forceful, he reacted as though slapped.

Evelyn left him standing there, with his mouth gaping. She knew she'd have to face him a number of times. But she could care less about that, she looked around at the halls, they were made of average wood with a few portraits on the walls that stared at her. The whispers of 'Cruor' told her what she needed. Her past reputation over the centuries preceded her. no matter how 15 or younger she looked. Evelyn walked out the door smirking and sparing the house a second glance and started making her way down the street, she hadn't gone far when the scent reached her nose. The scent of a werewolf to be precise, she spent a few moments pondering why of all things her scent was affected, but she decided to worry later and confront the werewolf now.

"What do you want?" Evelyn asked not turning around,

"What is a 15 year old doing in the order?" The werewolf asked in a matter-o-fact tone ignoring her coldness. Evelyn almost scoffed, she was 984 years old, hardly 15, but the reason why she held back her scoff was because she appeared that age. She mentally kicked herself at that though, Cruor (I'm refering to Evelyn as that from now on until further noted) never spent time for anything close to being hospitable.

"I'm older then I look," Was Cruor's answer she started walking away again before he could question her some more. She huffed when he started after her again,

"I'm a _lot_ older then I look, Happy?"

"Not particularly,"

"Well what's you're name then?"

"Remus,"

"Well Remus call me Cruor," Cruor answered fairly she really wanted him to leave her alone. Remus apparently didn't get her hint as he kept following her his dirty blond hair falling over his eyes.

"Will you cut the crap of following me about and go to the chase?" Cruor said apruptly glaring at him.

"What's with the langauge?" Remus asked scrutinizing her.

"Is that what you want to know? If so I'm going," Cruor said folding her arms ready to just knock him out so she could go.

"No! That's not the only thing I want to know." Remus said glaring at her, Cruor retained small satisfaction that she was able to drive him up the wall.

"Well will you hurry?"

"Why are you in the Order?"

"Lemme think, that crackpot Codger sent me an owl, and here I am." Cruor said shortly she ignored the strange look she got from a muggle that had came out to do her gardening.

"Did you just call Dumbledor a Crackpot Codger?" Remus asked nearly running into a lamp post.

"Yah I did, now get out of my path!" Cruor said growling at him, Remus leapt out of her way straightening his shirt while she left. _Now that's how you get rid of a parasite_.


	12. S 7 C 2

**_Title:_ Snow's Shadow**

**_Rating:_ M**

**_Section:_ Harry Potter**

**_Summary: _Cruor, just about your typical teen, well she isn't a teen she's a vampire, and one attitude problem. Yep the Order is about to be bludgeoned.**

* * *

Cruor glanced at the concrete building; it was plain matching the others around her, on the outside at least. In it was was she and Karma would be staying for a few months. She walked through the door with chipped paint. The cement floored hallway spanned out in front of her. _These building designs are really original_, Cruor thought as she made her way to the staircase. Dull thuds of her feet hitting the steps echoed in the empty hall, the sound of a stereo was heard through one of the doors. She made her way walking up the tall part of the building until she was at the highest level, the cheapest also. Though the fact the higher up you rented got cheaper confused Karma. It confused Cruor but she was not going to admit _that_. Karma was waiting for her when Cruor entered.

"How's you're day?" Cruor asked sitting down cross-legged style. Karma raised a tomato red eyebrow at the question that Cruor didn't fail to see.

"Well?"

Karma rolled her shoulders shifting closer to Cruor.

"I met the most, aanvallig Werewolf," she said leaning her head on Karma's shoulder, Karma lightly flinched; it still unnerved her to see Cruor acting so, compassionate, Human? Cruor feeling Karma flinch moved her head away from her shoulder and dipped her head.

Karma sighed knowing what Cruor was thinking,

"MIJ weet iets verder geschied vandaag." She said leaning lightly towards Cruor.

"Also I think Shade's been lying about how many people he's turned." Cruor said following Karma's suit breathing in the cinnamon.

"Oh? 'nother poser?"

"Yeah, this one knew what I was after a few seconds of me standing there."

"Well I'm surprised no one reacted asides him, you have a bit of a record." Karma breathed fairly her shoulder no touching Cruor's.

"According to the 'Prophet' I died in 1936 by the hands of Valzmer Wrect." Cruor supplied her mind going pleasantly blanker by the second.

"You still get that? That could!" Cruor put her hand over Karma's mouth before she went in 'protective overload'.

"I bought that one personally, I never got it." Karma had the decency to blush as she remembered this.

"I remember you didn't bother correcting them."

"No, I agreed with Shade then, if the majority believed me to be dead, it'd make my work a lot easier."

"And also if someone died they couldn't blame it on you,"

"Considering sometimes it is me."

"That's when it's not so good." Karma said lightly, she sighed, Cruor was moody a bit too much.

"For the people who die,"

"Good point."

"Did you just agree with me?" Karma groaned at the poor joke burring her head in Cruor's shoulder. A mental smirk, that Kama could just feel it radiating from her.

"Duw het ," Karma growled dangerously shoving Cruor. A low growl emerged from Cruor's throat.

"Merk Mij " Karma yelped with surprise has she was pushed down by Cruor, she then went red with embarrassment.

"Don't you have anything better to do than tickled me?" She asked in between bursts of laughter.

"Niet, neen, nee ," Cruor said grinning leaning forward.

A couple days later, it was the next Order meeting. Cruor found herself hoping that the 'Vampire Imposter' as Karma liked to refer to him, didn't tell them that she was a vampire. She figured it was about her wanting them to take her seriously regardless of that.

_Now where would that vampire be?_ Snape asked himself darkly, he defiantly wanted to learn more.

* * *


	13. S 7 C 3

**_Title:_ Snow's Shadow**

**_Rating:_ M**

**_Section:_ Harry Potter**

**_Summary: _Cruor, just about your typical teen, well she isn't a teen she's a vampire, and one attitude problem. Yep the Order is about to be bludgeoned.**

* * *

Cruor looked up at Grimauld place. She thought back to her first meeting at the Order.

To the pale man, who had instantly recognized her. He hadn't told the others what she was. That was up to Dumbledore, he told. She hadn't been to one since that fateful day. She had lost all trust in humans. Dumbledore was the world's largest naive fool. Who honestly would tell people that and expect them to shrug, accept it, and go about there business? He must've, he told them, and he shouldn't have. Cruor hated him for it. But God damn it, she hated Voldemort more. Once this Effing war is over she was going to never speak to Dumbledore again. Hell, she was going to attack him more than a few times.

But of course, you wish to be surrounded by allies not enemies.

Meaning that, she was going to have to put up with that pious idiot.

Also putting up with going into Hogwarts, Dumbledore was damn lucky she was a witch.

A funny thing discovering you're a witch, since she had been turned around seven. Her magic showed up when her body reached eleven.

She wasn't as powerful as others she supposed, she didn't honestly care.

Who wanted power? She didn't.

She wanted to live, take what was needed and be left alone.

But that god damn god in the friggin sky wasn't on her fucking side.

That made her life difficult to say the least. To say the least, is such a fucking understatement.

She had to follow around a friggin superficial ass hole. Her life was full of hate, in her minds eye. She had grown up that way.

Before the time of her being bitten, those were now almost blank. She couldn't remember it all. But god, now she wanted to be left alone.

But god would not grant her that wish for a long time, with a look up at the molding ruin.

She'd have to go through with it.

For now, but there'd be a day, when she wouldn't, that day though wouldn't be for a long time.

Her eyes narrowed, a sense of purpose could be seen in the emotionless pools.

Steps were heard as she walked up the stairs. A finger on her 12 1/2 inches, cypress and unicorn heartstring wand. She had made a certain deal with a man named Gregorovitch; he was more than happy to accept seems how the 'safety' of 'something' was sealed. A memory crossed her mind of someone trying to steal her wand once; he had dropped it with a yelp as though it had burned him.

She remembered her wand having a deadly combination, but shoved that from her mind. She was meeting the damn order in the first time in 23 years. Not the time to think about wands. Her foot steps paused right outside the door. She took a moment to study it when a large bang was heard. Cruor's hand was on the knocker. A loud creak was heard, it could chill even Shade's bones. The door slowly opened and Cruor saw a girl with vivid red hair.

"Who?" asked the girl her brown eyes were wide eyeing the appearingly Goth girl in her eyes.

"Abyssus, mos EGO adveho illic?" Cruor asked the girl who stared at her blankly.

"Damno," "May I come in?" Cruor corrected herself resorting to her Latin swear words.

"How do you know-?"

"That Pertinax kept being a pertinax." Cruor said shortly, the red head stared blankly at her before deciding that Dumbledore must've told her. There is a Fidelius charm on the place anyways unless the keeper was changed it was highly unlikely anyone else told her.

The girl opened the door and Cruor stepped in and looked up, a silver chandelier in the shape of intertwined serpents hung above her head.

A sound of screeching being muffled was heard, and Cruor smirked. _Either there doing some illegal experiments or someone really hates this place._

"What the?" Remus asked hearing the sounds of Mrs. Black.

"Sirius is upstairs he should be able to take care of it." Fred said lightly looking at the counter top in an interested manner. This earned him a disapproving look from Mrs. Weasley,

"Fred, you should be more concerned about this."

"But George is upstairs also, how do yah know that he didn't do anything?" Remus put a hand between them intervening,

"Why don't we just go check it out?"

Hmmph, was the not really word from them as they crossed there arms to walk up the stairs .There feat hitting stone floor as they walked through the kitchen. Landing on wood as they made there way up. When they finished walking up there, Mrs. Weasley, and Remus Lupin almost had a heart attack.

* * *

Cruor's onyx eyes met the two adults, she smirked inwardly.

_Well, well, I see that there still part of the order, that filthy hypocritical lycanthrope. Along with that red-head bitch, I don't know why I didn't see the __resemblance before._

"Abyssus Pertinax accersitus mihi." Cruor explained in fluent Latin, it still shocked her that she could flick the words off her tongue. It however was always worth it when people looked at you like you were crazy.

"Pertinax called me."

"Pertinax?" asked the three who had no idea what she was talking about.

"Damno, Dumbledore, the Persistent ass." Cruor said translating.

"Don't you _dare_ insult Dumbledore like tha-!"

"It is not that much of a problem Mrs. Weasley." Was a voice from behind the vampire, who gave a smirk.


	14. S 8 C 1

**_Title:_ Vampire Knights: On the Net**

**_Rating:_ T**

**_Section:_ Vampire Knights**

**_Summary: _Zero starts a chat room Yuki blabs out the password to Kaname. Who tells Sieren Who tells Aidou who tells everyone. I THINK I HAVE A HEAD ACHE NOW!**

**KuRei has entered the chat room**

**Ai has entered the chat room**

**Ai says:** Wooh Zero how'd you set this up!?

**KuRei says:** It involves math that you'd fail.

**Ai says:** -.-

**KuRei says:** I am being honest Yuki

**Ai says:** I know you're not hungry are you?

**KuRei says:** I believe I am perfectly sated in every realm

**Ai says:** .-

**KuRei says:** I'm fine

**10Bite has entered the chat room**

**KuRei says:** What? I only told Yuki the password to get in here, Yuki...

**Ai says:** What?

**10Bite says:** My apologies Yuki invited me and..

**KuRei says: **I GET IT OUT! OUT! OUT!

.

**Ai has left the chat room**

**10Bite has left the chat room**

**KuRei has left the chat room**

**Friend4ever has entered the chat room**

**Friend4ever says:** Hello?

**Friend4ever says: **Anyone here?

**Friend4ever has left the chat room**


	15. S 8 C 2

**_Title:_ Vampire Knights: On the Net**

**_Rating:_ T**

**_Section:_ Vampire Knights**

**_Summary: _Zero starts a chat room Yuki blabs out the password to Kaname. Who tells Sieren Who tells Aidou who tells everyone. I THINK I HAVE A HEAD ACHE NOW!**

**KuRei has entered the chat room**

**KuRei says:** Phew no one else here.

**5patulation has entered the chat room**

**KuRei says:** Who the heck are you?

**5patulation says:** SPATULATION TIME COME ON!

**KuRei says:** -.-

**Ai has entered the chat room**

**5patulation says:** WITH MY BOWLS WHISKS AND ME! YEAH!

**Ai says:** Who are you?

**5patulation says:** SPATULATION TIME COME ON!

**KuRei says:** -.-

**Ai says:** I didn't tell him the password, and I'm the only one retarded enough to do that

**KuRei says:** I admire you're self esteem Yuki

**Ai says: **-.- It's a figure of speech.

**5patulation says:** SPATULATION TIME COME ON! YEAH! YEAH!

**Ai says:** Do you know him?

**10Bite has entered the chat room**

**10Bite says:** What's crackalakin?

**KuRei says:** .

**Ai says:** O.O

**5patulation says:** YEAH! COME ON! SAY IT WITH ME! SPATULATION TIME COME ON!

**10Bite says:** Who's that shizzle typing in this hizzle?

**5patulation says:** O.O Kaname-sempai?

**10Bite says:** Yah Star dared me to talk like dis!

**KuRei says:** Yuki?

**Ai says:** Yeah?

**Friend4ever has entered the chat room**

**KuRei says:** GET ME THE MIND SOAP RAPPING VAMPIRES ARE IN THE CHAT ROOM AND I'M SCARED FOR LIFE!

**Ai says:** Crap

**Friend4ever says:** Vampires?

**10Bite says:** Foxey laday how you here?

**Friend4ever says:** Yuki told me...

**5patulation says:** O.O

**KuRei says:** Yuki .

**Ai says:** Yeah? Heh heh heh,

**KuRei says:** EVERYONE CLEAR OUT!

**5patulation says:** But?

**KuRei says:** I'M CHANGING THE PASSWORD YOU'LL NO LONGER BE ABLE TO GET IN HERE USING CHUNKY MONKEY! NOW SHOO! OUT! VAMOOSE!

**10Bite has left the chat room**

**5patulation has left the chat room**

**Ai has left the chat room**

**KuRei has left the chat room**

**Friend4ever says: **Heh, you can't change the password with someone in here I guess I'll just stay.

**Friend4ever says:** Although there is no point in staying here when no one else is here.

**Friend4ever has left the chat room**


	16. S 9 C 1

**_Title:_ My eyes, Close to Tears**

**_Rating:_ T**

**_Section:_ Avatar: Last Airbender**

**_Summary:_** **In The Western Air Temple, or Air Temples. Life gets hetic. And Katara never has forgiven Zuko. So arguments being arguments continue daily. But what happens when one go's to far? Eventual Time Travel.**

Katara grabbed Zuko's shoulder menacingly.

"Don't even think about joining the fire nation again." Her voice was harsh and threatening. Zuko apparently ignored the slight warning in her tone and jerked his shoulder out of her grasp. The momentum he had to build up to get out of the seemingly iron grip caused him to fall onto the wall in the Western Air Temple.

Katara wheeled a bit to punch him.

"Since when would I want to join the Fire Nation?" Katara let her fist fall to her side,

"Let me think, TRY ABOUT AS LONG AS WE'VE KNOWN YOU!" Her voice in the sentence had gotten more agitated as she had spoken and it had turned into full blown shouting. Zuko attempted to flatten himself against the wall in hopes that she'd forget he was their. Or stop yelling, it didn't work.

_**In a room a few rooms over**_

Aang looked up from his little air bending project.

"Did you hear something?" he asked moving a bare tattooed arm at the sky.

Sokka yawned from his position on his back across the room.

"Sounded _-yawn-_ like Katara."

Toph stomped on the ground forcing Sokka up high into the air and another pile of dirt caught him then smashed on the floor.

"You _do_ know that she is yelling at Zuko right?" she asked in her 'Toph' voice.

Haru who had been stretched out on the floor taking a break from earth bending answered;

"That _is_ normal you know right?"

A few moments passed when everyone's head jerked up when they heard a large crack. Sokka yawned and murmured loudly,

"That's normal also." Another loud crack and a sound of crashing glass punctuated his sort of sentence.

Haru shrugged again nonchalantly,

"So is that." A shriek of pain that sounded like Zuko's punctuated that sentence.

Toph touched her green head band,

"That is also."

**_So the Rest of the Day Was the Spent Like That_**


	17. S 10

**_Title: _Ways too PO Itachi (A.K.A. Itahoe)**

**_Rating: k+-T sort of crude humor_**

**_Section:_ Naruto**

**_Summary_ Read about how too annoy your Favorite Konoha 'traitor' Yes like the annoy Tsune one this takes place after annoying Tsune list... maybe I should make this 'how to annoy characters to death'  
**

**1.)** Follow Itachi around

**2.)** Randomly sing

' I love you

You hate me

I killed your family

with a knife, katana, Uchiha's hit the floor

No more little annoying bore'

**3.)** Dodge a multitude of kunai Itachi throws at you

**4.)** Disguise yourself as Kisame and paint Itachi's nails flouresent pink

**5.)** When he get's angry state, 'it's not all that different from purple yah know!'

**6.)** When he starts to use Sharingan on you scream 'AHHHHHHHH! IT'S THE QUEEN OF UGLINESS'S SECRET POWER!'

**7.)** Then faint

**8.)** Disguise yourself as Sasuke and attack Itachi with a blow dryer

**9.)** The blow dryer squirts out lime green dye

**10.)** Get the actual Sasuke on the scene so that way he can enjoy the effect of Itachi with green stripes

**11.)** You _must_ remember to dodge Itachi's Sharingan!

**12.)** Go steal Tobi from the Akatsuki

**13.)** Convince Tobi he is actual Itachi and must destroy Sasuke

**14.)** Buy a lemonade

**15.)** Watch the scene with Naruto

**16.)** Get Sakura to join

**17.)** All yee must fled the scene!

**18.)** The _real_ Itachi had stumbled upon it

**19.)** Plant Tora in the Akatsuki head quarters

**20.)** Laugh self silly when you watch Itachi and Kisame chase after it

**21.)** Cosplay as Itachi

**22.)** Walk into Ichiraku's with Sharingan contacts in

**23.)** Shout, 'I'M HERE TO EAT ALL TEH WORLDS RAMEN!'

**24.)** Scream when the actual Itachi shows up

**25.)** Sic Tora on Itachi

**26.)** Cosplay as Orochimaru

27.) Remember that Orochimaru is a hated missing nin that no one is scared of

28.) So you cosplay as Itachi's mother

29.) Grab Itachi by the ear and say 'Now what have I told you about being evil!'

30.) Force him to read an Itachi/Sasuke yaoi fanfiction

31.) He's actually turned on by that so it doesn't work

32.) Dance a horrible version of the Hare Hare Yukai

33.) Itachi is shocked to death by your horrible dancing


	18. S 11

**_Title: _Ways too PO Sasuke (A.K.A. Sasugay)**

**_Rating: k+-T sort of crude humor_**

**_Section:_ Naruto**

**_Summary_ Read about how too annoy your Favorite Konoha traitor this takes place after Itachi on the annoy characters list. ENJOY!!! -don't own Naruto-  
**

**1.)** Before you start remember to tell Jiraiya about a miss 'ninja' competition in Kumo to prevent him from following you around on the Sasuke quest.

**2.)** Spy on Sasuke in the shower and take pictures

**3.)** Give pictures to Ino

**4.)** Watch with happiness as Sasuke finds your old hole and hides in it

**5.)** Get Deidara to stick a clay bird down the hole

**6.)** Cosplay as Orochimaru and give him nightmares of the 'tongue and skittles' incident **(From a fanfic)**

**7.)** When he realizes its you run away

**8.)** Tell Anko that Sasuke thinks she's hot

**9.)** Laugh when Sasuke has Anko on his trail

**10.)** Switch his hair gell with destructo glue

**11.)** Put pink hair dye in his shampoo

**12.)** Switch all his clothes with hippie fashion

**13.)** Tell him that Orochimaru isn't the only pedophile who likes boys around these parts -point 'discreetly' at Madara-

**14.)** Call his hair style the epitome of a duck butt

**15.)** Eat all his tomatoes

**16.)** Buy him strawberry icecream

**17.)** Get Deidara to blow up his apartment

**18.)** Sic Deidara on Sasuke period

**19.)** Resurrect Sasori and tell him to turn Sasuke into a puppet

**20.)** When Sasuke survives become emo and hide in the very, very large hole.

**21.)** Cosplay as Itachi

**22.)** Rob Sasuke of all his money and buy ramen with it

**23.)** Ressurect Itachi for a few hours and have him chase Sasuke around.

**24.)** Paint him orange in his sleep

**25.)** Get Pakkun to water Sasuke

**26.)** Tell him that Naruto does indeed like girls

**27.)** Imitate everything he does for a few hours

**28.)** Dance on his fathers grave

**29.)** Cosplay as Gaara and pretend to CRUSH him.

**30.)** Force him to read an Itachi/Sasuke yaoi fanfiction

**31.)** He is scarred for life

**32.)** Make cookies and put peppers in them

**33.)** Call him Sasu-gay

**34.)** Try to get him in a santa suit

**35.)** Take pictures of him in the santa suit and post them all around Konoha

**36.)** Remember to add some childhood pictures of him hugging Mr. Bun Bun.

**37.)** When he dies of embarresment laugh evilly

**38.)** When Jiraiya breaks loose of the faux pagent deny everything.

**39.)** Tell him you did it when he offers you _candy_


End file.
